Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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