im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
