i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize