just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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