quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
