the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
