Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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