Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
