i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
