there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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