He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
