My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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