Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
