Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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