Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
