We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need to calm my uterus...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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