I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
