I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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