Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
