Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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