ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
