i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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