I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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