Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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