I just threw up on my dentist
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
