when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
