In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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