haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
