If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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