what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
