i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
