Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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