her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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