The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
