ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
