feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
