My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize