My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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