My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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