apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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