i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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