I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
