The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
