remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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