I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
