clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
