There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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