My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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