somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
