Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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