I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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