every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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