You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
