end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
