I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
