I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
