We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize