i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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