btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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