fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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