Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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