I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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