i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
