I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
