why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
