This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
this hospital has no fireball
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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