Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
