Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
