I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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