its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
