1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
