I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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