Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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