No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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