When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
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are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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