Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
