so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
