So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Enjoy the penises
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
