I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
