i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
