based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
