i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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