i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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