i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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