you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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